When do you let go? When is the time that you look at a relationship, and you say, "I can't do this. Somewhere, it died. I don't know when. I don't know how. I don't know the disease that killed it. But it's dead."
When do you look around in a relationship, and realize, "Hey, I'm the only one even bothering to fake it anymore."
I love this person. But something has changed. Something, along the way, went off track. And I don't know when it happened. Or why. It seems to me like a light switch went off. One minute, bright, shiny, 100 watt bulb of crystal clear, pure, healthy, life affirming light.
The next, blackness. Nothing. A dark room. With ghosts in the closet, and the only light is coming from under the door, signaling the way out into the hallway, and safety, and future relationships.
But, I want to stay in this room. In case someone turns the light on. In case it *suddenly* comes back.
Do you think that can happen? Can the emotion be turned on, just as suddenly as it was turned off? But, to continue the metaphor, when the switch it turned back on, will the furniture be rearranged? The room repainted perhaps? SO that you don't even realize you are in the same room you were when the lights went out?

I am in such a relationship. It is not my spouse, thank the Lord!! He is as wonderful as he was the day we married.
It is a friend. A friend that until the past few days, I have cosidered as close to me as blood. If not closer. This person has been closer to me than my own sister has been. She understands me. She "Gets" me. I "get" her. We have the same outloook on life, can help one another out in tight spots, and are very good at rejoicing when one another needs someone to get happy with, too.
I love her. Like I've never loved another friend.

And now.
That is going, it seems. It's as if, someone is turning the dimmer switch in the room down, and her image is fading. I can still see her shape, see our similiarities, but, still, the healthiness of the relationship is leaving.

That is SO HARD to see. My heart is breaking.
But, I just wonder, if this has been coming for awhile, and I just didnt' want to see it. Maybe, it's been coming, and I looked around the hints, and said, "Nah. It'll be fine. It won't get that far."

Well, it's 'that far'. Apparently, something happened, and she's the only one who knows what happened. Because I am not in on this argument. I am only the target for her anger.

I just think this may be the Lord telling me that it's time for me to move on. It's time for me to find new friendships, in our new town, and move on. She is the only one in my old town that I am still in contact with, besides family. Maybe it's time to change that. Maybe I need to be looking for more local moms to be friends with.

I am not going to be in a friendship that I am the only one who wants to be there.
Heck, maybe, she has issues, and I am just the nearest one, the one she knows won't fight back, so she's taking it out on me.
I have no clue.

Whatever it is, I want it resolved. I either want to fix this relationship, and go back to the way were, or I want it gone. I want to move on, open the next door down the hall, and find out what's behind that door. Close this one, and not look back.