I went again to Hearts at Home a couple of weekends ago. Wow. It was Awesome as usual!!
There were about 6,000 women there over the course of two days. My handy-dandy pedometer said I walked over 24,000 steps; around 13 miles in two days! For someone who’s only source of winter exercise is loading and unloading three small children from the van daily, that was quite a workout!
I wanted to share with you one of the classes that I took, and the impact it had on me. When you attend Hearts at Home, you have the opportunity to take 4 sessions per day, and they are assigned to you from a list of your preferred choices that you submit with registration.
My third class of the day on Friday was called “Building Self Esteem in Your Child,” presented by Dr. Julianna Slattery, author of Guilt Free Motherhood: Parenting with Godly Wisdom. She is a Christian psychologist who travels to speak to moms and married couples alike.
My intention when signing up to take the class was to learn ways to improve, or impart, self esteem to my children. I do not want my babies to grow up with the lack of self esteem, the lack of self belief, that their mother grew up with and still suffers from today. I want better for them. I want them to know that they are beautiful, no matter what the world tells them.
That is exactly what the class was about. Her teachings were a comparison of the ways of the world, and the way that God looks at us. For illustration, she used the book by Max Lucado, You are Special. In case you’re not familiar with it, this book is about a race of creatures called the Wemmicks.
The Wemmicks were given either gray dots, or gold stars, by their peers, depending on the peers’ perceptions of them. If a Wemmick does something his fellow Wemmick likes, or he looks pleasing to the fellow Wemmick, the peer will plaster that Wemmick with a gold star. However, if someone is not pleasing to the eye, or does things a little ‘different’ than the traditional way, then fellow Wemmicks will label them with gray dot stickers. The story is of one Wemmick who is plastered with gray dots, and sees no value in himself, because his fellow Wemmicks don’t either. However, he walks to the Creator’s house, the Man who made all of the Wemmicks, and is told by the Master himself that the value of this little Wemmick put on him by others does not matter, because as the Maker, it is only His opinion that matters, and the Maker made this little Wemmick just how he was on purpose. For a purpose.
The class was all about the difference that the world places on our value, and the Lord’s value that he placed on us.
In the world’s view, our job as parents is to create children worthy of gold stars. We’re to find ways to make them “shine”. Why do we put ourselves under that pressure? Because we want our children to be worthy of stars. We want them to be approved, to be popular. Another of the world’s view is that we should ply our children with the thoughts that they are worthy of unearned stars. We’re to build them up artificially with praise. Parents in this culture are afraid to tell the truth to their kids. We put blinders on ourselves, and our children, telling ourselves that our kids are perfect – it’s the world that’s wrong.
So what’s a Christian parent to do with the world’s view? We are to replace the world’s stars and dots with our own. But still, placing value of your own over value of others’ kids is wrong. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:12 “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.”
We dare not compare ourselves to our selves, with ourselves, by ourselves. That is foolish.
Our job as Christian parents is to make our children realize that value is not something you earn – it’s something you have. It is not based on the outward appearance. Value is not placed on the creation, but on the Creator. Value is given to us by our Father – by his love for us. we’re not valuable because of who we are, but because of who HE is. Our value never changes because the One who gives us value never changes. We are separated from our value because we’re separated from the One who gave us value.
Biblically, human value is based on 1) God Loves You 2) You Bear God’s Image.
BUT we crave stars! Why do we put so much value on worldly approval? If we’re close to the Lord like we should be, that will be the approval we need. It won’t mean anything if we don’t know Him. We need to bring that relationship to our children.
Why is being God’s image important? We’re to resemble our Father. Our children are to be a reflection of Him. Bringing what’s God’s goal in life for them to them should be my mission. Our kids’ resemblance to God is like a light bulb. They’re to shine brightly, to reflect the Maker to all of those around them. They’re to shine brightly of truth in a world filled with darkness and lies. What good is that if they’re not plugged into the Lord? Plugged into their purpose in living. Their purpose is to glorify God by resembling Him.
Our job as parents is to help them become the most of what God created them to be – without over starring them. But how do we do that? What are some building blocks for Biblical self esteem?
First off, make connecting with God the number one priority in your home. You cannot impart what you do not possess. The second part of building Biblical self esteem is to love your child with God’s love. Our love needs to be based on the person loving – not the person being loved. Our Lord’s love never changes based on our actions. It is based solely on his intent to love us to the fullest – unconditionally. The third part of it is help you child understand himself based on truth. Don’t artificially build your children up. Encouragement is wonderful, well, and good. Artificially building them up to believe untruhs about themselves is not. And the fourth and final part of building self esteem in your children? Consistently redefine success. To be great in the
This class had so much of an impact on me, I just had to share it with you. Dr. Julianna Slattery changed my view of myself. I thought I was taking the class to be a help to my children. I was given far more than I could’ve imagined. Why is it that common sense things sometimes need to be said out loud by a third party for you to really “get it”?
Value. Not based on the creation but on the Creator. Wow. Why has it taken me almost 30 years for that to click in to my spirit? What an amazing revelation!
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Some promises from scripture
May those who fear you Lord rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word…
You are my refuge and my shield;
I have put my hope in your word
Psalm 119:74, 114
May your unfailing love rest upon us O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.
Psalm 33:22
The Lord your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn his face from you if you return to him.
2 Chronicles 30:9
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From Children’s Letters to God:
Dear God,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones why don’t you just keep the ones you got now?
Jane
Dear God,
What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything.
Jake
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